Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.
Mark Twain
Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever.
Mark Twain
I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.
Mark Twain
I can live for two months on a good compliment.
Mark Twain
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
Mark Twain
I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.
Mark Twain
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
Mark Twain
I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.
Mark Twain
I have made it a rule never to smoke more that one cigar at a time.
Mark Twain
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
Mark Twain
I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.
Mark Twain
I make it a rule never to smoke while I'm sleeping.
Mark Twain
I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.
Mark Twain
I never let schooling interfere with my education.
Mark Twain
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.
Mark Twain
I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one.
Mark Twain
I've never let my school interfere with my education.
Mark Twain
Ideally a book would have no order to it, and the reader would have to discover his own.
Mark Twain
If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat.
Mark Twain
If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later.
Mark Twain
